End Of My Tether??

So what has happened since I last posted like last month. Nothing new. As ever Zack has been acting so bi polar with me I just don’t know what to make of it anymore. So I went to his house and was in his room and I found an opened condom wrapper in this bag. He’d obviously slept with someone else…which he said he wasn’t gonna. I mean yeah at least he used a condom but thats not the point the point is she slept with someone and the lied to me saying he couldn’t remember when it was probably like 2 weeks (if that) before we slept together the start of May. So I found it it was one of his exes…probably the ex that he was talking to…or he lied about not really talking to his exes other than me. More lies!

Anyways I saw him last week Monday and yes we had (the best sex we’ve ever had…but not the point) and we were cuddling after and stuff and I asked him how long this sex thing was gonna go on for and he said probably until I decide to see someone else. So 1. We’re seeing each other but less than a month ago you were fucking another girl. Right? 2. Doesn’t he get that I can’t allow myself to move on. I don’t want new pain. At least the pain he causes me is familiar and expected so it doesn’t phase me like a new person would. He’s wounded so much the pain seems to just be part of our relationship…whatever that might be. 3. I don’t really wanna admit but I’m kinda waiting around for him to see how great I am.  Which is dumb cos I’ve been around for this long and if he can’t see it then why should I try and convince him??

So anyways back to last Monday. We were cuddling and I was asking him questions tryna see where it was I stood with him and he was saying how he wasn’t gonna get into a new relationship cos he was too busy. And half the stuff he said seemed pretty genuine. Then his phone rang and it was this girl that I know he’s been texting for a while. I hate him! I admit that of course I’m jealous, I still see him as my property though he as proved that he is defo not. And he’s always texting her, he’s always on WhatsApp and I can hardly get a reply a day. Kmt. What is the point. Lately he’s been on POF and another social networking site. And yet he never seems to have the time to reply to me but he can reply to random sluts. Cool.

I’m being a bit of a hypocrite cos I am talking to other boys and like two weeks I went out with some friends I kissed this guy and we swapped numbers. We haven’t spoken in a week though and I’m not gonna text him first again. Nope. Then I had a party and invited Zack and he brought  friend along (can’t remember his name) anyways Zack was acting so weird I couldn’t be bother with him so I guess I started flirting with Ray. (For those who have read this blog from the start you may remember Ray, I was basically in love with him) anyways after the party ended Ray and I ended up in bed together just like old times. We kissed cuddled and shit and played with each other…;). And i kinda felt bad but why should I’m single right? Anyways we were gonna have sex but I heard my mum and brother so rolled off of him and we just went to sleep. Then two days later I has my legs wide open for Zack…urgh!!!!

Anyways why am I at the end of my tether?? I’ve told Zack that he’s annoying me and he hasn’t replied yet he’s watched my snapchat…the mobile device does ONE THING!! why can’t he reply! GOSH It’s obviously not that important…whatever. Im meant to be seeing him tomorrow who knows if that’s gonna happen. Anyways sorry about the long post it doesn’t even make much sense.

I’m gonna start blogging about more serious stuff like what’s been going on in the news and stuff. My life doesn’t revolve around boys…though would never have guessed from all the posts. I hope you guys like the new stuff I have to write about cos even I’m getting bored of Zack can only imagine how you guys feel!!!



So I’ve been a bit quiet lately, mainly cos I had so much uni work to hand in but I’m all done and I’m free to have fun and games and be happy and live! Woop. So what’s happened lately I hear you ask? Well nothing really…Zack and I haven’t actually texted each other in like a week. Which is the longest we’ve got without talking to each other ever…and it was weird and at first I felt like I he was with another girl and he just didn’t wanna talk to me in her presence, then I just didn’t get a reply and I just knew he didn’t wanna talk to me. Then my mind started racing and I started thinking about how much he’s hurt me and stuff and I was (and still sorta am) convinced he cheated on me and I just had a great cry and then like next day he called and we had like an hour chat about nothing basically. And he kept making lil comments about how he’s changed. It was silly little things like how he cleans up his flat and stuff but like doesn’t he get that it makes me think things. It would make any normal person think things…but he’s not normal so. I made a comment about him going to the gym and I asked him what he was gonna do and the conversation was so weird…like he doesn’t seem to know how to separate our past from our present and future friendship. I’ll show you how it went

Me: What you gonna do in the gym?
Zack: Everything
Me: You’re gonna do the whole gym?
Zack: Nah just all the girls [chuckles]
Me: [After a pause] You lil man whore
Zack: [Chuckles] Nah I’m joking, just you

MIND FUCK! Like we might as well just be together again but that’s not gonna work. And he told me how I’m gonna have so many orgasms when I see and him stuff. And he asked me when my train was and if it was on the same day and stuff like why would I stay over when we’re not together anymore…who does that??? So awkward! He confuses me…but I’m probs just over thinking stuff. I’m on my period right now and it better stop before next week cos I haven’t had sex in so long I might explode.

But should I have sex with him? Im so confused…I’m probs gonna make things worse for myself…