Why Do I Keep Putting Myself Through This Shit?

Why do I keep doing this to myself. I know he doesn’t give a fuck about me yet I’m still here. On the sideline. He puts stupid strangers before me. Like all these girls on social media he talks to yet he doesn’t make any effort to talk to me anymore. I told him to tell me when he was free and I’ve had NOTHING from him. If he doesn’t get at me before Sunday then I’m just not going to see him cos I don’t have any means of getting to his area. And if he decides to call me after asking me why I didn’t come to see him, he’s gonna get so sassed it’s not. I doubt he’d even remember that I was meant to see him so yeah…whatever I really wish I didn’t love him anymore cos letting him go would be so much easier but apparently not. I wish I was him, just move on from me easily. Every time I think I’m ok…but I’m obviously not. It’s just not fair. Why did I have to fall in love with a dick!!!!!

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Am I An Idiot?

Hey imaginary readers, so much has happened since my last post. So basically Ray completely fucked me over, like seriously. I found out from two sources that he bitches about me and says how I don’t leave him alone and stuff. Which is completely untrue, I try my best to just stay away from him and let him do him. He also says he regrets most of the things that we do with each other, but when we talk about it he seems totally fine. So either way he’s lying to someone. I basically told him I wasn’t speaking to him and he made the effort to find out why but he laughed at me so that kinda pissed me off. But like after a week or so (probs less) we’re speaking now which is always good thing I guess, but that also makes me some total idiot right cos like duuude he basically is two faced with me and stuff but I’m still talking to him like everything is aye ok. And it’s not but I don’t know how to bring it up with him and just sort it out. Like I want to do it face to face but I can totally see myself crying and just making things so awkward but then I don’t wanna do it over text or whatever cos that makes things awkward afterwards. 

I dunno what to do…if some one actually reads this…I comment would be swell 🙂