I Just Want To Get Back Out There

So I’ve been reading some post from a blogger called Seriously Single In Sydney and Im so jealous of their dating life! I just wanna get back out there and date and be treated all cute and stuff. The worst thing is the last “date” I went on with this Zach and it was super cute. We went to a dessert parlour which he paid for…its pretty cheap but it was a nice guested (though I did have a bitch about how I spend money to go and see him and stuff.) But anyways I got a waffle and he got apple pie and we shared a milkshake. He’s so confused the milkshake came with one straw and he looked like he was have kittens…he was like “we need another straw” I just laughed and said “I’ve had worse in my mouth than your saliva.” Silly boy…I’ve had his penis in my mouth !!

But it was cute and then we left and went back to his and got into bed…yes we had sex. It wasn’t as passionate as the time before but this time I decided to kiss him and he kissed me back! I was so worried that he was gonna pull away or something. But nope. I guess always it was very passionate cos I was on top most of the time, which was new! After 1 year and 4 months of sexing I was on top for more than 5 minutes!

So after I tried to play it cool but he just stayed on top of me for a while then rolled over and made me cuddle him. WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THAT. Then we started talking just about stuff and about having kids and marriage. And I remember he was so against getting married when we started seeing each other and then he said that one day he would want to! Who is the bitch that changed his mind. Then I said I wouldn’t want to have his babies and he was like “why do you keep hurting my feelings” and I was like “do you want me to have your kids?” and he gave me this weird look and said “I don’t deserve for you to have my children” and then went back to normal and said “and I’m not ready for kids anyway.” SO MUCH MIND FUCK!!!

It’s those kind of things that make me wanna stick around and see what happens between us, cos sometimes I really do think that we might get back together but then I think really. I just wish I had met him after uni…I think it would have worked out.

Why Do I Keep Putting Myself Through This Shit?

Why do I keep doing this to myself. I know he doesn’t give a fuck about me yet I’m still here. On the sideline. He puts stupid strangers before me. Like all these girls on social media he talks to yet he doesn’t make any effort to talk to me anymore. I told him to tell me when he was free and I’ve had NOTHING from him. If he doesn’t get at me before Sunday then I’m just not going to see him cos I don’t have any means of getting to his area. And if he decides to call me after asking me why I didn’t come to see him, he’s gonna get so sassed it’s not. I doubt he’d even remember that I was meant to see him so yeah…whatever I really wish I didn’t love him anymore cos letting him go would be so much easier but apparently not. I wish I was him, just move on from me easily. Every time I think I’m ok…but I’m obviously not. It’s just not fair. Why did I have to fall in love with a dick!!!!!

It’s Like A Stab To The Heart

So I did it. I messaged Zack confronting him about him not speaking to me. (I sound so childish I know) So anyways he called me and I was so icy with him. He asked me if I really thought he was like that and I told him that I honestly did and I think very little of him. He said he’ll changed that. Then we were talking just about how life is going for each of us and we started talking about having babies and then he said something like “Im not ready to have a kid yet. Maybe when I find the right person” those words hurt so much. I love him so much yet he has no feelings for me what so ever. We were so good together but obviously not that good. I still think we would be great together but what does it matter what I think. It takes two people to have a relationship and Im obviously not the right person. 😦

Everything Has Changed

So it’s been a while since I last posted and wow has so much changed. Like two weeks ago I went to Zack and yes we had sex. And we made chocolate covered strawberries which he fed me. The sex was so much better than the first time which was so awkward. This time there was foreplay and we kissed and it was so passionate and then he gave me a hug just like the first hug he ever gave me. I went back to uni and we spoke and it was all fine and then I might have called him an ‘arrogant little shit’ and he didn’t reply and we haven’t spoken since then. He’s watched my snapchats so he knows I’m home yet he hasn’t made any effort to speak to me, yet he’s constantly on social media networks talking to all these new girls tryna find a new girlfriend. I just feel like I’ve been dropped and that I was this back up and now he’s done what he wanted with me and now I’m just another one of his girls that he’s fucked and ducked. URGH. I just want him to know how I feel but I refuse to talk to him first so I’m just sitting here stewing going crazy while he doesn’t have a care in the world!!!! ITS NOT FAAAAAAAAIR

Though there is this guy on Tinder that I’ve been talking to…lets call him Harry. And we have so much in common we both wanna work in the media and we like doing that stuff. We could be the next media industry power couple! HAHA!!!! I really wanna meet up with him and see if he’s the guy I really hope that he is. Cos I just like want something to take my mind of Zack.