I Don’t Even Know

So I’ve started this post without a title in mind cos I sorta don’t know where it going yah know. But yeah basically I don’t know where my brain is.

So Zack’s gone off on holiday with his dad and his dad’s girlfriend…so he says…though I’m obvs a bit apprehensive about him lying to me cos I feel like he does it all the time. He had a picture on snapchat on him in a room…a villa room or something an there was a female foot in the picture…I mean yeah it could be his dad’s girlfriend but it could be someone else…a girl…who is his friend…but then I decided to stalk and so I went on his POF and saw that he was online. So he can’t be with a girl if he’s still on POF right? Or maybe he’s doing it cos he knows I know and he’s tryna throw me off the scent?? Maybe I’m overthinking things I dunno. But he called me the night before was going and he said he was gonna call me when he was in his hotel room but then it was like 3am and I had a class the next morning and then he said he didn’t have any reception in his hotel room or some crap. But anyways moving on…while he was at the airport he sent me a picture of a Mickey Mouse jumper and I was like “OMG buy for it please!!” and then he was like what size and shit. Why would he offer to buy me something now that we’re not together I wouldn’t expect Jay to buy me something like that and I’ve known him since year 7…age 12ish. Urgh he really knows how to confuse my brain!!!!

It’s annoying cos I don’t wanna be with him (though I do) but I don’t wanna be with someone else. Like I matched this guy on tinder and like he seemed nice then he started talking about sex and linking and the thought of having sex with anyone new just makes me feel all weird. Which is annoying cos I know he doesn’t feel weird at all. The fact that I’d known him for like an hour (if that) also made me feel weird. But I don’t wanna have sex with anyone new. It’s like my vagina is still ina relationship with him and the rest of my body is not…URGH why is all so complicated!! Why won’t my heart just heal!!!

Probs cos Im still talking him…but not talking to him makes me sad and unhappy. And talking to him doesn’t do much for me either so really it’s a lose lose situation. Which such so much.

Well I had nice little rant which is always good. We all know I’ll go running back to him soon…though he comes running back to me too…well in my head…urgh I hate boys I swear.

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