It’s Ok Not To Be Ok

So last week was not a good week for me at all. I just was really upset about Zack and I. So I did some stalking on him and he was on his Plenty of Fish account and he’s changed some stuff on it and shit. Like he changed his intention from dating to not seeking a relationship or any commitment. It’s not even been two months since we broke up and he’s already putting himself out there to find someone else to fuck. And he said to me that he didn’t see the point of him having sex with anyone else if he didn’t need to, so he would have continued to lie to me about just sleeping with me when he was out there texting other girls and sleeping with them. Obviously I can’t stop him from doing that (he was probs doing it while we were together) but it’s the principle, like what if one of these girls has some STI and we had sex and then I get it…all cos he lied. Plus it just makes me feel like he didn’t really care about me and he didn’t want to be with me towards the end of our relationship if he can move on so fast like I wasn’t even with him for so long. But boys will be boys and I don’t wanna be with a boy I wanna be with a man so whatever.

I think what burns the most is the fact that he’s not being honest with me…like what wasn’t he honest about when we were together. I now have trust issues and that’s not fair on the next guy. At all. I really wanted us to be friends. We got on so well we had such good banter it would have been great but he’s ruining it all. Obviously I miss him but I just miss him as a person now, I don’t wanna be with this childish excuse of a man and tbh I don’t think he’s gonna change so I don’t want to be with him ever. Though I think we looked good together, but ah well that’s shit. He’s moving on so why can’t I??? But seriously how can he move on so fast without even batting an eyelid. But I guess that fact that he changed his intent means he’s not ready for a relationship but I should stop making excuses for him, it’s still wrong. Maybe I’m just being silly??

I decided to get Tinder. Haha. I don’t think I’ll meet prince charming on there or anything, not really taking it too seriously tbh but it will be a bit of laugh and maybe I can get a cheeky date out of it. But no sex. I don’t think I wanna have sex with anyone for a while. How ironic the only guy I still talk to that I’ve had sex with is the guy I lost my virginity to…he’s the guy that most people never hear from but he actually cares about me and even though he gets on my tits I really care about him. He makes me smile and I can always talk to anything to him and he’ll be honest and tell me what he think even if I don’t wanna hear it and I appreciate that a lot.

But yeah, that’s all folks.

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