I Need To Get A Grip

So last night I went out with my uni pals and it was meant to be a great night I was so excited and everything and then they all started bashing Zack and then it just took a turn for the worst. I dunno but I just got so upset…probs cos I was pretty drunk. Then when we went out I wasn’t really enjoying myself and then someone asked me what was wrong and I just started crying. Like I honestly feel like this guy has too much control over my happiness and it’s just not fair. I know I’m not on his mind the way he’s on mine. And he doesn’t get upset in the same way…probs not at all. It’s clear that from the sex he has no feelings for me at all and I still have feelings for him. I dunno he was acting distant cos maybe I was acting distant…but I feel like I wasn’t. I did ask him to get out of me almost straight away which I wouldn’t usually have said but like what was I meant to say. Let’s have a cuddle like old times?? *sigh*

My friend Tina kept going on about how he still loves me and shit but I don’t think he ever did. If he did he wouldn’t have started texting his ex as a back up and he would have tried to work things out, but he didn’t he took the easy way cos I’m not worth it I guess and yeah that hearts. I just don’t know how we went from that great weekend to breaking up…well I do…but it was so drastic and that why I think I can’t fully take it all in. I still love him and I guess maybe it sucks that he doesn’t love me back… Sometimes I feel like I want to just tell him how I feel but what is the point…he doesn’t care how I feel and he would never understand he doesn’t have feelings like that, so I just keep my plight to myself and every now and again break down.

I’m not looking forward to Valentines Day at all cos my flat is just full of couples and I can’t be aaaaaasked with all the romance and lovey dovey crap I’m probs gonna have to deal with!!!! AH WELL…one day someone will love me.

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