I’m So Confused

So this post shall be in several parts…though it may all just end up looking the same cos I don’t really have a particular writing style, so I don’t know how planning is going to go.


I hate it. I don’t hate the course or anything to be honest that is the only thing that is keeping me sane. I just hate the place I live and the people aren’t all being great. I live with three other girls and a couple across the hall. Four girls in one flat is just too much for me. Especially since they’re all so different from what I grew up experiencing. I don’t mean to sound racist or ignorant but I grew up around a lot of black people, and the white people I grew up around were a lot more streetwise than these girls and lot more culturally diverse. These girls question and mock everything that isn’t familiar to them and that really annoys me cos like I just shows a lack of education and I believe it’s down to their parents and the area they grew up in. So cooking my cultural food is so long cos I always get complaints and stuff and I just don’t have time so I just cook standard pasta and chicken sometimes. Makes my life a lot easier. But these girls…mainly two of them are SO bitchy!!!! It’s sad to watch. Like last year they used to bitch about this one girl to high heaven and then call me a bumlick cos I wanted to make sure she was ok and didn’t feel isolated and shit. I mean yeah she was weird and a bit annoying but no one is perfect! And like I’m from a big city and this town is AWFUL so I’d rather not spend my nights going to the same bar listening to the same music…so I don’t go yet I get called boring…isn’t repetition boring…idiots. And the thing that rattled my feathers today was the fact that we’re doing secret santa and it seemed odd that one of the girls messaged in the girl only group chat…and then I realised why, she didn’t wanna let one of the boys know we were doing secret santa. And they she tried to cover it up by joking. They always left him out of stuff last year and they’re doing it again. He was the reason why I didn’t go mad last year…we were quite similar and now he’s a few floors away and I never see him.


So I went to see Zack this weekend it was all good up until the end. We had a few arguments but we sorted them I guess and we started looking for tickets for my birthday present. I found out that he doesn’t do ANYTHING…no Christmas, no birthdays, no valentines day (he said he’d get me a card) but what is wrong with him! When I’m back at uni I find it hard, long distance is just not for everyone at all. Like when I’m with him it’s amazing, the cuddles and the kisses, the sex 😉 but when I’m not away we don’t even text regularly so it’s like communication is cut off and it’s hard! I need to talk to him often or what is the point?! *sigh* I love this kid so much and it’s just hard. Though he said some really cute stuff that just melted my heart. Like we were lying down cuddling and I said “love you” and I wasn’t expecting a reply back cos he’s not really that kinda guy but he was like “I love you too” it’s only taken like 10 months (which is actually a good time I guess). We were talking and he kept talking to me like I was one his friends and I told him I wasn’t one of his mandem and he was like “yes you are, you’re my best friend” and then he did it again and I told him to stop (in a jokey way) and he was like “how do you want me to speak to you, you’re not some disney princess” and I was like “yes I am” and then he said “you’re my princess” Ahh, see this is the stuff that keeps me going. If he didn’t have this side at all I’d think he hated me.

This is a pretty long post sorry I just needed to sort my emotions out I guess.


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