Rollercoaster

So my love life really is a roller coaster of emotions. So from my last post you may know that Zack was being a prick and I eventually snapped at him, but I guess I know in my heart that I’m over reacting cos I never really tell him why or I just feel silly when I do so I just left it and we met up last night to go out for a meal. We were meant to go to a restaurant in Angel but it was closed! As is SHUT DOWN. So we went to China town and walked around for ages until we picked a restaurant he let me pick one cos it had seaweed please him. So yeah anyways we’ve been getting more close in public I guess. Like we held hands for ages and a bit of PDA on the bus stop and on the bus. We got back to his and his friend was there we said hey and then I went to his room and yeah after a while we had sex. OMG it was so passionate like it was rough but passionate so much kissing and OMG it was basically love making. I fell asleep though and got home at like 6am, I wish I stayed longer though I left in such a rush I only got a quick kiss.

He called me when I was on the way to the bus stop and I swear he said “love you” when he said bye. It’s so awkward cos I do love him but every time I think he says it I never properly here and so I never get a chance to say it back and I’m just silent.

Oh yeah, I did it again and had unsafe sex! I swear I need to stop I really do and I think I might be ovulating which is just stupid of me….yes he pulled out but that’s not safe. But it felt soooo good, condoms just make me go all dry and that is just not me…usually I’m like a ocean down there when I get going.

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Back To Reality

I can never be happy for more than a few days it would seem. So it was Zack’s birthday like last week and I called him and shit and we chatted for a bit and shit and then it took him 2 days after that to reply to my message that I sent…and for the past few days I’ve gotten 2 replies from him a day…like how is that ok…I’ve been with him on several occasions and his phone has gone off and he’s replied like super speedy. He’s even proved that he reads my messages and just leaves them there cos when I saw him I messaged him saying i was on my way but he didn’t read it and then he was like “you got here quickly” meaning he saw it pop up and just left it there…which didn’t matter cos that situation didn’t really call for a reply.

What’s really grinding my gears is that he just doesn’t seem to care…like I’ll have the most depressing status and he will not bat an eyelid and ask me what’s wrong yet these annoying bots are so quick to ask me what’s wrong. Like he’s meant to be my boyfriend but he really doesn’t act like it and it hurts I guess cos I obviously care more than he does and it shows…I called him on his birthday…did I even get a text on mine…lol.

I’m So Confused!

Hey Hey Hey. So things are going well with me a Zack but I’m starting to panic. Like when I think about it, I’m 19 and he’s 22 and he might be the only guy I’m ever with again, and I love him but I still wanted that chance to just be a whore for a while and like there is this guy at work and I know he likes me and I kinda like him too and like I just want like a day to do stuff with him and shit but obvs there’s Zack, who I wanna be with forever he makes me so happy it’s unreal but I just wanna mess around. And long distance is just so not help this feeling.

I’m a bad person, but I just feel like I met him too young and if I were like 23 I would be so happy to settle down and just be happy for ever. URGHHHHHHHHH

Any advice??

Happy Happy Happy

So yesterday, I went out with Zack, we went to creams it was so cool I got a waffle and sundae. The stupid twat forgot him PIN so i paid but tbhh I didn’t mind, we’ll call it an early birthday present. It was really sweet sharing a sundae and shit…he used a fork cos he wouldn’t get up and get another spoon. Something defiantly changed in me, like he actually called me his girlfriend…his words were “you’re a shit girlfriend” cos I don’t eat pork. So now I feel like I don’t wanna be entertaining other boys and shit, like it’s just him. And we held hands in public LOL and we kissed like PDA woop lol. But I had a good time with him and swear we had the most passionate sex I think we’ve ever had though something went wrong with I went on top cos I hurt after like he stretched me in a really weird way. I’m really not very good on top, I just feel like a dummy and it doesn’t feel the same and shit urgh I wanna be good at sex. 

Like I don’t see myself with another person like ever, and I feel like he feels the same tbhh cos I looked at the condom expiry date and I was like 2018 and so I was like “you’ve got time” or summin like that and then I said “you gonna use them” and he was like “in the next 4 years?” “and I was like “yeah” and he was like “well yeah” and I was like “with who??” and he was like “well with you hopefully” AHHHHHHHHHHH I do wanna be with him forever it just sucks that he was the 3rd boy I ever had sex with, there is more penis out there and I may never get to sample but I honestly do love him so it’s a small price to pay I thinks. 

On  more serious note I actually thought I was pregnant but I took like two tests and nothing so phew….im 19 and I’ve taken like 6 pregnancy test at home and been tested twice (I didn’t ask for it) at the clinc) I think protecting is must . We use it now, I can tell he doesn’t really want to but I don’t want that risk and I know he doesn’t so no bare back until I go back on the pill. Though he doesn’t really want me to cos it didn’t really agree with me last time but I know he’s not a major condom fan so Ima do it.