The Future

So this is pretty random but I was thinking about how when you’re in a relationship it’s either gonna be that person for the rest of your life or it’s not and that’s really scary. Like I’m still in my teens (19) and that kinda scares me and you’re gonna laugh at why, but I’ve only been sexually active for like a year and there is so much more penis out there to sample and as much as I love Zack (omg I just said the l word) I do wanna try new things and stuff. But to be honest I don’t see me ever ending it to be fair so my future sort of rests on him and I guess my behaviour. But to be honest we never really have any like proper arguments and any time he sees I’m going off with him he changes him attitude. Like I do want a future with him cos he makes me feel special I guess and every girl wants that but I also want to try other penis if yah get what I mean. 

He’s older than me and so I think he’s probs has way more vagina and he was like 15 when he lost it so yeah and I feel like I’ve got a lot to live up to. Urgh Im confused.

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Relationship

Hey hey hey! So I’m just gonna update you on my relationship. I stayed at Zack’s last night, I told my mum a wee fib which i feel awful about and I will tell her someday maybe after she meets him. But yeah I got there and his friends were there but he stayed in his room with me which was sweet. We watched Flubber and just cuddled which I liked, it was nice to just cuddle with him and spend time with him. I quite wanted to have sex but it just didn’t happen that night. Though in some ways he proved that he cares about me cos I wanted him to heat up my burger and he wouldn’t so I said “if he you care about me you’ll do it” and he actually did and I feel all fuzzy inside now. But yeah we woke up at like 8am after going to sleep like 1:30 probs later and I wasn’t thrilled but we had sex and it was goooood. The only thing I hate about having sex with him is that 1. we use condoms which are just moment ruining and 2. penetration HURTS so much every time without fail. It’s like the hole gets too small and refused to allow the penis to go in. He has to go like super slow and shit which is just long and I just feel bad for him but I’m sensitive sooooo! We went back to sleep after that and then woke up and watched Aladdin, I’ve always wanted to watch a Disney cartoon with him and now I have. Happpppyy! Anyways we had again before I left and it was awkward cos we were cuddling jus before and his friend walked in and then when we were having sex his friend was at the door tryna have a conversation with him like he wasn’t busy. I was so scared they were gonna walk in like AWKWARD but they didn’t yaaaay! 

I feel like I’ve ruined a good thing though cos as I was leaving the station to go home one of those people who stop and try and get you to sign up with stuff stopped me and I was just like “I’m 19” and so he stopped trying to get me to be his customer and he started moving to him with such confidence, but not cocky or hood rat like. So I gave him my number..Was I wrong to do that, where’re texting right now. Though I would like to say I’m not attracted to him like I am to Zack not even a lil.

I Need To Get A Grip

So my last post was about me worrying about me and Zack. I don’t wanna go too much into cos tbhh it just seem silly and irrelevant. But I basically thought he didn’t want anything to do with me and stuff but it was just me being silly. But I also wanted him to prove that he’s interested in me and he hadn’t contacted in me in a while, so I didn’t want to message him first. I was in bed thinking about him and then he called me, I was so happy the convo didn’t last long and he said he’d call me back but I doubt he will…he always says he will but never does. But yeah I always start freaking out at silly little things and I need to stop cos he’s still here right? So I guess he’s not going anywhere. I just need to have more faith in him and myself.

Emotional Wreck

Something is wrong with me and I just don’t know what it is. So basically like 2 days ago Zack and I had like a passive argument and we haven’ spoken since and like this week I’m really busy and so like the only day I was like free to see him was Today [Tuesday] but since we haven’t spoken I haven’t had the chance to ask him when he’s free and now the time as passed. And also I wanna see if he’s gonna message me asking about when we’re gonna see each other next and shit…like I know he does it but not as often as I do it. We have such a stupid relationship sometimes. 

My mind is all frazzled i’ll write again when i wake up

Ironic

Good morning everyone!! Hope you had a good sleep and all. For once I defo did. Super excited about that to be honest. 

Any so if you read my last post then you will know that I complained about Zack not talking to me that much and now I’m still waiting for a reply almost 24 hours now!! What kind of bullshit is that…like he’s actually just taking the piss…unless he’s in hospital (god forbid) there is no way in hell he hasn’t gone on his phone within that 24 hours…I mean there are a few times where I’ve seen on his whatsapp that he hadn’t been on all day…but now that he’s taken his time stamp off (twat) all I can do is assume…so I’m going to assume wild things like he’s cheating on me and all that crap when chances are thats not true at all. Though he did tell me he went to watch Guardians of the Galaxy and I really doubt he went to watch it with his boys, though he does like Marvel so maybe he did…seeeee this is what happens when he does shit like this…I get paranoid and come up with crazy stories!!!!!!! I hate it!!! 

Well I’ve decided I’m going to ignore him for as long as possible unless he replies at like stupid o’clock…which he will…which sucks cos I wanted to go to Nandos tomorrow cos I have these cards that run out tomorrow but ah well…dickhead

A Conversation

Am I asking for too much? Like it is too much to want to have a decent convo with my boyfriend (I dunno still tbhh but lets call him that for ease)? I just want to go through a day where I can have proper conversation with him, not these stupid one message every 8 hours. I know this sounds sad but when we first started talking he I noticed that he used to message at roughly the same time each day until he got to work. I thought it was cute and a bit odd and then when the messages started getting later it was easier to notice cos I had picked up the pattern beforehand. 

What bugs me is that I know he’s with/on his phone and like when I went to see him he was stuck to his phone will I was laying next to him…yet when I’m not with him you’d think he rarely sees his phone. And what rattles me the post was that it was some girl he was talking to…obvs an old friend but still…I guess cos I don’t know any of his friends it’s just weird urgh…anyways yeah I’ve moaned at him before and he didn’t really change so what am I gonna do ey??

Safety First

So I’ve been thinking that i really want to go back on the pill the only problem is that it doesn’t really agree with me but I just don’t like condoms though the brand I used recently is actually really good cos it’s not thick which I quite like 😉 but I prefer skin on skin contact. I dunno like when it pops out I like feeling how wet I am on his dick and stuff like that…odd but hey 😉 hehe. So yeah I might see how it goes for now and then when I go back to uni go to the clinic that I basically live at and see about getting a brand I haven’t tried before. 

I have also made and attempt to get rid of this constant yeast infection, I bought to oral yeast infection pills I’m just waiting for them to arrive now, you get three pills and you only use one when you get the infection so I’ll have two spare woop! Hopefully it all clears up cos I’m getting a tad self conscious. Anyways tis all…xx