So I went to the clinic, I decided to go about my pill, that was the main concern but then the woman asked if I wanted to get a screening down at the same time cos she was gonna be down there anyways and so I did. So it turns out I had a yeast infection and so she gave me some pill to shove up my vagina as well as some cream which worked quite well. She also told me that the change in discharge was probably my body getting used to change in hormone levels and I should wait it out, so I am. I also got my results back and they were negative, so I should have trusted him a bit more, even after I keep getting proved wrong I still have my doubts like why would be stay faithful to me of all people right? Like what do I even have to offer him?? Apparently something cos he’s still here 4 months down the line. I was gonna go see him this week but his little brother was down and there was just so many complications so I just decided not to but now I really miss him. Like it’s been about 3 weeks since I last saw him and like I just want to cuddle and kiss him, the sex would be a bonus but it’s not even that. I just wanna be held by him. I put him through so much shit and half the time he doesn’t even know it, I wish I could just talk to him sometimes but I don’t wanna break down in front of him like I did the first time he came to see me, that was awful. I’m surprised he’s still about after he said he didn’t know if he would be able to deal with my mood swings. I really do like him, I’m too scared to even think about the L word but my feelings for him are so strong I just wanna go home. I wanna see my friends, and my brother and mummy and him. I just wanna see everyone to be honest. 😦
So it’s that week before my period and my tolerance levels are just so low, like I’m used to Zack taking forever to reply and usually it doesn’t really bother me but like yesterday it really got to me and like I didn’t get a reply until like today and he was on his phone till like 4:30am and obviously that’s just gonna make me think that he’s up talking to some girl and so it’s just making my self confidence like really drop and to make things worse I just have this feeling he’s sleeping with other girls and like if I confront him about it and I’m wrong the whole trust thing will just yah know…so I dunno what to do. I’ve decided to get tested and if anything comes back positive then I have concrete evidence if it doesn’t then I just have to trust him I guess.
I’m so stressed out! Zack is just being annoying and it’s not helping that I have a million and one coursework deadlines approaching and I just can’t see myself meeting them all. Not unless I just hide myself for years, it’s so hard cos I’m trying to squeeze in going to the gym and doing these stupid essays! I’ve got a uni trip that I really wish I wasn’t going to now cos I just wanna get my work done and I won’t get any done.
Hey Hey Hey, so I wrote this post like a few days ago and it was blank and it had been so long that I was just so deflated to write it again but here I am updating you on the weekend me and Zack had together.
Ahh it was so good!! He came on the sunday at like 10pm (which I was surprised about I was expecting him at like 12) we spent some time in the kitchen with the crew then went to my room to watch Saw III, I got a bit tired/bored so I decide to stop watching the film and we…well yah know 😉 then went to sleep. We musta cuddled like most of the night cos I woke up several times attached to him or really close to him, unlike last time when we woke up like without backs to each other, but I guess we’re closer now.
Anyway so next day we went out and went to the arcade which was cute cos like that’s where our first “date” was so it was sweet, I proper wanna go bowling with him yah know I dunno bit random but true. So yeah we got a slush together and I showed him where I was gonna live next year and he was like “there better no be bare stairs” AHHH he’s looking into the future…like MONTHS ahead so that makes me think why aren’t we like officially but hey ho. So we went back to halls and ordered Chinese and finished Saw III then went to Spoon with the gang and then to some bar/club called Frenchies, it was bare weird going out with him cos he just made me feel self conscious which he knew obviously but I’ll get used to it I guess.
Then on Tuesday we went to buy/exchange presents for two of my floor mates and then we came back and watch I Am Legend but he fell asleep so we had a nap (he never has naps I was shocked) and then went to cook breakfast (he needed to finish the bacon I bought him) and then we went back to my room and he packed his stuff up and we cuddled and had some goodbye yah know ;). Then I took him to the station and yeah I was pretty sad cos I don’t think I’m gonna see him until sometime in June which sucks sucks sucks!!!!!! But yeah ahh guys I really like this guy I’m starting to trust him more and stuff and yeah I just wish we’d become official and stuff but I guess if there’s no label then nothing can be ended right, though I’d be distraught I really would! But yeah tis all for now