Give Me Strength

Urgh, good things never last with me and this boy I swear like he’s just really annoyed me today like I just feel like…I don’t even know what I feel like. So basically `I was meant to go and see him this week but I have work and uni work so I can’t and next week by the time I’m free mother nature will be doing her thang. So I told him this and he was like still come and see me blah blah blah, so I was like “yaay.” Then I suggested that we go out cos like I just didn’t wanna stay indoors like that was just dumb, and I really wanna go nandos and I’m also tired of travelling all the way to see him, like why can’t he come and see me for once. So I suggested going out…that was the monday…today in now Wednesday and I still haven’t got a reply but of course he’s been on his phone all day. Like it just makes me feel like he doesn’t wanna to be seen in public with me, like how can it take that long to reply to a message especially when he’s on his phone already. 

Like when I’m upset and stuff and he asks what’s wrong like by the time I get a reply from him what was bothering me isn’t bothering me anymore so like I just don’t see the point of him asking. I’m just getting bored of his sometimeish behaviour now like I it’s been 3 months now and communication is just getting worse and I don’t wanna moan at him again so I just get all snappy and sassy with him…I’m getting a bit worked up so Ima leave it at that.


On A High

So I went to see his stupid face and when I got there and FIFA was on, he did play for a bit but there was a section in between where we had a lil play fight cos he got a bit rude. It was nice lol, he scratched me though, his nails are so long I forgot to cut them for him. Anyways then we watched the rest of his Chinese film then he went to make pasta and I went to his room. So basically the sex was not great like there were bits where he blew my away but I was so tired that I just couldn’t hack it for long periods of time and I just wasn’t putting in any effort and like every time he got closes to finishing I’d be like “Stop I can’t…blah blah” and I just felt so bad. But we had the best cuddle after though. Was just be on his chest and him hugging me, we had a little nap, I could have stayed like that forever. It was sweet though when I told him I wasn’t staying the night he looked so sad. I really wanted to stay, I love waking up next to him it’s so comforting. And you know someone will put up with you when they see you in the morning and still wanna give you a kiss. 

Now my next problem is my mum, I really just wanna tell her about him so in the summer I can stay the night and he can come here and see me and stuff. It would be nice yah know, I mean it’s better when I got there cos it’s just me and him but like it does cost me a lot to go see him like sometimes he has to make an effort. Im meant to go and see him sometime this week but I just don’t know when to be honest. Like I’ve got a lot of work to do and from this saturday to next week I’m gonna be working 4 days straight. I’m just gonna be so tired!!! Ah well I’ll work something out and he said he’s gonna come see me first weekend of May so I’m excited for that. 

I really do like him despite how crazy he drives me and part of that is me and my insecurities and stuff plus I guess I just expect  bit too much, but I’m getting used to him and his non emotional ways. I miss him when I’m not with him though, not like a lot but I just wanna cuddle sometimes yah know and he’s so warm I just…ahh. 

But any suggestion on how to break it to my mummy??

What The Actual F…

That boy is doing a great job in pissing me off today, he’s actually the definition of a DICKHEAD. So as I said he seems to have some problem with replying to texts when he seems them on his phone. I replied to texts when his stupid phone was in his hand (I checked to see if he was on whatsapp) and he just ignored it! And He’s been on whatsapp several times…I sent the message at 3pm! It’s not 10pm and I’m still being ignored. What kind of fuckeries is that. I was so excited to see him tomorrow now I don’t even want to go like he can seriously fuck himself. I probably will end up going tomorrow but I’m just gonna be bare snappy with him. I’m so tired of being this extra part of his life he can sometimes be bothered with. And it’s not like he doesn’t know I’ve told him! And he was doing a lot better but today he’s just pissed me off…I think I’m not pissed cos I’m meant to be seeing him tomorrow and if he can’t be fucked to talk to me but is probably talking to some next bitch then I’m obviously not that important. 

I’m trying to trust him but he makes it very hard, just cos I’m younger than him doesn’t mean I’m a dickhead. 

Am I overreacting? Urgh I hate feelings. We’re not even like together, like I’m sure if someone asked him if he was single then he’d probably say yes. I might just start saying that. Keep my options open since he’s a complete and utter twat. Though what if he has been completely like “faithful” and I do something stupid and fuck it all up. I’d rather he was the one to fuck up and not me cos then I have a clear conscience and stuff.

Relationship Update

So my last post was in February. Sorry (not that I have many readers anyways, plus I’ve been using my diary a lot more. I switch between the two). So anyways so much has happened between me and Zack. We’re not official or anything but we’re still here…three months in. It’s been a rocky road though, like there was a few dark weeks that I just had a bad time…like I locked myself in my room at uni for like 3 days. Basically he would take like 24 hours to reply to my messages and he said he was gonna come visit me and then he said he couldn’t make it on the day we had planned and so I got really upset and just told him to fuck off. So I basically thought there was another girl and all that shit. Then I confronted him about the long replies and we kind sorted out. I figured out a system that means I get quicker replies from him. If I wait a few hours to reply to him then he’ll reply to me a bit quicker. Usually. So yeah we’re kinda ok…sometimes I just wanna hit him and stamp all over him but he does make me happy and the more I miss him the more I just get angry at him. Weird but that’s me. I’m mean to be seeing him this weekend but there might be a problem with the dates and stuff (kmt) but I just hope he doesn’t spend his time playing stupid video games…it’s been almost 4 weeks since I saw him stupid face I just wanna spend time with him. Have a cuddle and watch a film and other stuff ;). But really I just miss staring at his stupid face and playing with this stupid moustache. And just being in his presence. I feel all weird like there’s a vital part missing from me…so small but important. I really don’t want to get this attached to him…cos I doubt he’s that attached to me especially if I’m one of many. 

I proper wanna go out on like a lil date with him while I’m here. I wanted to go bowling but boy am I too poor for that. So maybe Nandos or summin my meal always cost like £11 which I can defo afford (I know he could pay for me but I just don’t like that kinda thing. I work and make my own money so why should I have to depend on him for anything eh?. Though sometimes it’s nice to be treated.) So I might totally suggest that, though I dread taking him out to eat. He eats like a cave man, shovels everything into his mouth…fills his cheeks with food. Ahh he’s so cute sometimes. I really miss him…I dunno if you can tell, I do wish I saw him more often.

If we’re still going strong or not so strong in summer then obviously I’ll see him more often but he works during the week and I usually work weekends so like it’s already a problem. Another problem is my mother. I haven’t told her about him and like I just don’t know how to do. I always come up with lies to go and see him and I’ll say I’m off to uni when really I’ll go spend the night with him ad then go to uni. In the summer that might get a bit harder cos I’ll see him more often…so what do I do? Do I have to introduce him to her. URGH I can’t deal with this it’s all too much. Anyways I’ve rambled on enough.