Ah good I hate the male gender! Well really I just hate Ray! Like why can’t he just be normal! Maybe its something wrong me I mean he doesn’t care about me at all…he’s proved that. Like I decided to start a conversation with him today, cos yah know he usually started them…we sent about 18 messages to each other and he just aired me…yet he’s spent like 6 days talking to this girl…like I always thought that me and him were closer like he’s known me longer but she obviously means more to him than I do…

Ahh so I started this post at like 7:30pm on 13th April 2013…it’s not 04:15 14th April 2013 and I’m just now continuing the post…basically my mum got be a bit angry and so I just shut the laptop and had a lil cry. Yeahh I’m not proud but I cried…but it was just over Ray…it’s just built up emotion over time and how I feel guess…I don’t really talk to my friends about my problems I’m usually the one that listens and helps Im not used to expressing my feelings I feel like idiot when I try cos I don’t want people to judge me and stuff like I act all strong and stuff but I on the inside I’m dying. Anyway back to the story, so yeahh I cried a bit at the fact that I’ll never be good enough for him I’m just some lil toy to him which such…and I’m one of many but I do love him as a friend so I just wanna be friends I guess. So anyway during my lil cry moment my mum came into my room and was like “aren’t you going out” and I snapped at her and was like “no I don’t feel like it” and the she said something about being miserable which annoyed me and so I decided to go out after all. I had planned to drown my sorrows but it didn’t go plan I was very sober the whole night, despite the fact that I drank Wray and Nephies 63% proof rum mini bottle, couple shots of Tequila, and some brandy and yet I didn;t fold… 😦 but I’, glad though and me and Ray chatted a lil though I think he might have been high cos the replies were just so long…still waiting on one now and I’m feeling a lot better about the whole communication thing like I’m accepting it I guess cos that’s all I can do…and one day he’s gonna open his eyes and see how much I cared but it will be too late cos I would have moved on, though that won’t be any time soon cos my feelings are fully involved right now. 

Some other news my friend Jason saw my ex with his current girlfriend (who is very attractive apparently) and apparently he had braces now!!! FINALLY! Ah you don’t understand how happy now like when we were going out his teeth were all over the place it was shocking but now they are on the steady road to recovery woooop! 

Well it’s not 04:24 and I’m off to bed, so goodnight/good morning world!!!!

And some followers would be nice haha! I would follow back of course!!!


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